Dennis of Grunty Fen on banjo Dennis of Grunty Fen

Grunty Fen Architecture

 

Notable Erections and Prominent Features


 

The Village Hall stands on stilts over a bog. Its floor is so rotten that dancers have to be very wary where they step. The kitchen boasts an urn used not only for tea but for boiling the footballersí strip and making toffee apples. Every so often Dennis has to unbung the urn tap and clean it thoroughly.

Events held in the hall include WI Brawn Mornings, dances and blood donor sessions, sometimes simultaneously. The hall power supply comes from a street lamp outside.

The Bull, with its famous stink-pipe, where Dennis of Grunty Fen lost his eyebrowsThe Bull. This is Grunty Fenís pub, run by Stan and Rene. Because of its height above the gentsí, the Bullís stink pipe is a local landmark.

Dennis lost his eyebrows during a hadnabinfer at The Bull; that episode is The Stink Pipe Hadnabinfer from the album Archive Editions 3.

 

The Spam Pillbox is one of many concrete fortifications left over from World War II. Dennis discovered this one long after the war and far out on the fen. Inside he found a massive store of 1943 Spam which had lain undisturbed like Tutankhamunís tomb. A few tins are still edible but others explode at a touch.


Hitlerís Hole
is a bottomless flooded pit which appeared on the allotments during a wartime bombing raid. Now used for the rapid disposal of stolen goods or anything embarrassing.

 

Monksí Bushes is an area of dank scrub where Dennis secretly stores his accumulated capital: a huge heap of very valuable railway sleepers. For the origins of its name, see Religion.

 

The Half-Timbered Bus Shelter and Millennium Youth Club is so called because half its original timbers were stolen for fuel during a hard winter.

 

The Cricket Club Pavilion is a converted hen coop with a scoreboard sharing numbers with the church, leading to worshippers occasionally trying to sing Hymn Number 124 Not Out.Grunty Fen Academical FC Pavilion is a large furniture van kitted out like a lounge bar and travels to away matches.