Erections and Prominent Features
The Village Hall stands
on stilts over a bog. Its floor is so rotten that dancers have to be very
wary where they step. The kitchen boasts an urn used not only for tea but for
boiling the footballersí strip and making toffee apples. Every so often Dennis
has to unbung the urn tap and clean it thoroughly.
Events held in the hall include WI Brawn
Mornings, dances and blood donor sessions, sometimes
simultaneously. The hall power supply comes from a street lamp outside.
The Bull. This is Grunty Fenís pub, run by Stan and Rene.
Because of its height above the gentsí, the Bullís stink pipe is a local
Dennis lost his
a hadnabinfer at The Bull; that episode is The
Stink Pipe Hadnabinfer from
the album Archive
The Spam Pillbox is one
of many concrete fortifications left over from World War II. Dennis discovered
this one long after the war and far out on the fen. Inside he found a massive
store of 1943 Spam which had lain undisturbed like Tutankhamunís tomb. A few
tins are still edible but others explode at a touch.
Hitlerís Hole is a bottomless flooded pit which appeared
on the allotments during a wartime bombing raid. Now used for the rapid
disposal of stolen goods or anything embarrassing.
Monksí Bushes is an area of dank scrub where Dennis secretly stores his accumulated
capital: a huge heap of very valuable railway sleepers. For the origins of
its name, see Religion.
The Half-Timbered Bus Shelter and Millennium Youth
Club is so called because half its original timbers were
stolen for fuel during a hard winter.
The Cricket Club
Pavilion is a converted hen coop with a scoreboard
sharing numbers with the church, leading to worshippers occasionally trying
to sing Hymn Number 124 Not Out.† Grunty Fen Academical FC Pavilion is a large furniture van kitted out like a lounge
bar and travels to away matches.