Grunty Fen

The LNER
&
its Items of Special Interest

 

The LNER

is the railway carriage inhabited by Dennis and his grandmother for as long as anyone can remember.††

Accommodation includes the First Class, used as Granís bedroom, a smaller compartment for Dennis,
a parlour and the scullery. The front door leads directly into the parlour which is furnished with a sofa (behind which Gran accumulates her growing collection of Royal Family Magazines),

a chiffonier, a cooking range and a table covered in willow-pattern oil cloth on which stands the cruet

containing a range of condiments including witchhazel, liniment and penetrating oil.

 

The back door leads into the scullery through the Wardrobe Porch,

converted from an item of bedroom furniture and containing Dennisís startling collection

of Rude Roots - mainly carrots, parsnips and potatoes depicting various aspects of the human body.

The Meat Safe hangs in the Wardrobe Porch. Made of perforated zinc, it serves as a fridge

and means Dennis and Granny will never starve because there is always something in it

even in the hardest times - usually half a dish of macaroni cheese, and a few slices of the í45 Spam. Another reliable source of support in any emergency is the lining of Dennisís mac,

which contains string, tools, Zubes, toffees, etc.

 

 

Items of Special Interest

 

The pianola

is played by Dennis on cold mornings

when he warms up by pedalling through the William Tell Overture.

 

The Radiogram

was bought by Dennisís mother as a young woman but has never been used for its original purposes

because the LNER is not on the electric. The disc hoppers are used to store coal and kindling.

 

The Folding Canoe

now stored in his wardrobe was bought by Dennis as a boy

from an advertisement in Exchange and Mart. He is still trying to unfold it.

 

The Universal Shovel

also bought from Exchange and Mart, has a folding blade and a hollow handle containing

every possible tool anyone could ever want in an emergency.

It is, however, impossible to get them all back once the handle has been emptied.

 

The Beehive

stands in his bedroom and is used by Dennis for his dirty clothes. When he runs short of socks or shirts

he pulls old ones out through the beesí popping hole at the bottom of the hive.

 

The Dresden Shepherdess with the Bad Cold

is a china figurine with a broken nose replaced upside down by Dennis using rather a lot of Seccotine.

 

The Peek Frean

is a biscuit tin closely guarded by Granny,

containing family documents Dennis has never been allowed to see.

 

 

 

 

 

†††††††††††