Outside The LNER
The LNER is surrounded by a great many sheds
devoted to different uses.
The most important is The Miscellaneous Shed containing most of Dennisís most valuable
possessions, including a large number of old sofas. When short of money he
goes sofa mining into the upholstery and sometimes finds a zloty.
walls of the Miscellaneous Shed are built entirely of old doors so that
potential thieves cannot find the true entrance.
Other sheds include The Mustard and Cress Shed, The
Shed (containing bicycles whole and in part), The Mangle (or Laundry) Shed and The Ark Shed, which is
designed to float when necessary Ė particularly useful if thereís an
unusually rainy summer or an overflow problem with The Bathroom Shed.
The Office Shed houses a collection of
typewriters, all of which have mechanical faults but which when used together
can achieve a perfect text. Dennis uses the punctuation typewriter first and
then fills in the words on the other machines.
Among the sheds stands The Hen Coop Car - the hulk of a
Wolseley saloon car formerly owned by the Metropolitan Police but now home to
a flock of hens known as the Flying Squad.
Beyond the boundaries of this outpost of shacks
and sheds is a vast sweep of flat fenland broken only by looping lines of pylons going
off into the misty distance. Dennis has always been fascinated by pylons, to
the extent that he wrote a song about them. Itís called Ė strangely enough Ė Pylons and itís on the album The
Bomb Photo. When Dennis was a little boy he used to kick the pylons
to make the lights blink in Piccadilly.
The LNER faces The Great Puddle which
inexplicably is deeper at the edges than in the middle.
Inside The LNER
Items of Special Interest