Dennis of Grunty Fen on banjo Dennis of Grunty Fen

Outside the LNER


Outside The LNER

The LNER is surrounded by a great many sheds devoted to different uses.

The most important is The Miscellaneous Shed containing most of Dennisís most valuable possessions, including a large number of old sofas. When short of money he goes sofa mining into the upholstery and sometimes finds a zloty.

The walls of the Miscellaneous Shed are built entirely of old doors so that potential thieves cannot find the true entrance.

Other sheds include The Mustard and Cress Shed, The Bicycle Shed (containing bicycles whole and in part), The Mangle (or Laundry) Shed and The Ark Shed, which is designed to float when necessary Ė particularly useful if thereís an unusually rainy summer or an overflow problem with The Bathroom Shed.

The Office Shed houses a collection of typewriters, all of which have mechanical faults but which when used together can achieve a perfect text. Dennis uses the punctuation typewriter first and then fills in the words on the other machines.

The hen-coop car owned by Dennis of Grunty Fen

Among the sheds stands The Hen Coop Car - the hulk of a Wolseley saloon car formerly owned by the Metropolitan Police but now home to a flock of hens known as the Flying Squad.

Beyond the boundaries of this outpost of shacks and sheds is a vast sweep of flat fenland broken only by looping lines of pylons going off into the misty distance. Dennis has always been fascinated by pylons, to the extent that he wrote a song about them. Itís called Ė strangely enough Ė Pylons and itís on the album The Bomb Photo. When Dennis was a little boy he used to kick the pylons to make the lights blink in Piccadilly.

The LNER faces The Great Puddle which inexplicably is deeper at the edges than in the middle.

Inside The LNER

Items of Special Interest