Dear Friends of the Fen,

It’s Mr South’s birthday this month, and me and my nervous sister Miss Edna thought we’d like to celebrate it with something special, and so we’ve released not one but two new collections of Dennis episodes (or esipodes, and Mr South call ’em). 

They’re from early 1992, and some of the episodes are of The Advice Shed, where Dennis dispensed Fen wisdom and the odd Chinese proverb.

AE19 covers such subjects as: How does Antoinette Clayden get on with her new daughter-in-law? What’s the sound of a haddock being battered?

There’s jam versus Spam and common versus posh. Dennis has made an improvement to crash helmets and he has advice for fish-and-chip eaters. What needs an incision? What’s banging on the tin of Zubes? Could a public lavatory solve someone’s problem? Red oxide metal primer on a frock can be tricky to shift, and getting directions from a Fen dweller could be problematical.

Be warned: AE19 contains Brylcreem, pickled gherkins, a pearl-handled fruit knife, lapsing into posh, a capon claw, an Acme Thunderer, Mrs Sharp’s castanet, the four of spades, Windolene, Princess Diana, a pile driver, Yorkshire pudding stirring, writhing on its bogies, hundreds of bars of chocolates, battling against a stormy blast and various uses for a brassiere.

Dennis has been mingling with toffs, but how did he get his hand stuck? What is a duck triathlon? Dennis has advice on being too polite, shopping bag hats and everlasting stew. There’s calamity poetry, Granny’s solution to earwigs, the hypocrisy of mealtimes and how to get candyfloss off a dog.

What should people be taught? Dennis warns against the dangers of a too-tight basket on your bike and advises wrapping your fish and chips right. What was Hayden Catchpole’s skill? Why did his platform say ‘Ah’ on the side? What was the secret of his stamina? Was he really electrified by the fault? And what’s the best way mollify a Windy Huts baby?

Be warned: AE20 contains bandaging buttocks, salad cream, longjohns, sofa mining, a gusset, decoy dandruff, verge veg, a pram wheel, balsam lozenges, a podium cubbyhole, grasping and striding, Monty Lardo, kissing babies, savoury tartlets, pre-Colombian folk narrative themes, late mediaeval epic calligraphy, chiaroscuro and mole-catching.

Don’t say we didn’t warn you. 

As usual, both of these are available as CDs or little old downloads. If you think you can stand it, then please go to our online shop, look for the Albums section and then find Archive Editions 19 and 20. 

So, three cheers for Mr South’s birthday, and thank you for your continued support of us here at Grunty Fen.

Tha’s All In Ya Loif.

Kind regards,

Miss Edwards