All posts by Miss Edwards

News

Grunty Fen Rides Again

Exciting News dear reader for those with a wireless set: we had thought that Grunty Fen was forever banished from the airwaves but that is not the case – at least for this Christmas! Grunty Fen has popped up in the BBC Radio Cambridgeshire schedules.

“Never miss it”, says Derek Soil of Grunty Fen.

The Grunty Fen story is the result of a long investigation by that splendid young man John Devine. In it he interrogates Mr South about Dennis but also interviews Liz Sayers about Pete Sayers and his role in the creation of Dennis and his other career. For example, did you know that Pete presented music shows on both American and British television? Various fans and friends of Grunty Fen also appear in the Radio Cambridgeshire documentary and, I believe, some old episodes of Dennis will be “aired”.

All that is a lot to squeeze into one programme so it will be split over two days. The first half will be broadcast on 27th December at 12 noon. The second half will be broadcast on the following day (that’s the 28th December) also at 12 noon.

If you will be too busy to listen due to meat or vegetable duties you can listen at your convenience using the BBC Sounds application.

Please do listen and if you like what you hear please remember to thank Radio Cambridgeshire very loudly.

Thank you.
Miss Edwards
Grunty Fen General Stores and Post Office

News

The Best of Dennis Volume 6

Here at Grunty Fennery we’re thrilled to announce the release of The Best of Dennis Volume 6. 

This means that all seven of Dennis’s cassette tape recordings are now available as a CD or as a download!

So, if your old cassettes have gone all woolly-sounding, stretched or just unplayable, you can now relive those heady moments with a remastered version.

What’s on Volume 6?

    • Dennis tells Mr South his vision of life in Heaven, with loin-girding cloths, the Heavenly Host and deckchairs
    • Dennis has an encounter with a ‘Nealopitan’ ice-cream and a drinks machine when attending an interview
    • There’s a census form to be filled in, but Dennis doesn’t know who to include
    • Gran has a plan for making money
    • Dennis lists all the jobs that Grandad didn’t do
    • Sally Fields shows her darts prowess
  • Mr South peeks into the life of Grunty Fen Academicals football team (featuring pitch undulations and a piano)
Over 70 minutes of pure Fen nonsense for only
 £5 for a download, or  £6 (plus p&p) for a CD!
Please follow this link to go to Dennis’s shop and treat yourself – or another Fenatic – for Christmas! Volume 6 for me, please!
Miss Edna and I look forward to processing your orders, and we thank you for your support in keeping the legend of Dennis alive.
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Who’s who? ARNOLD BAZELEY

Hello there. I’ve heard it said that Grunty Fen folk never stray over the A10 but that is a gross exaggeration. For example, take the case of Arnold Bazeley the famous explorer. This is an extract from the Who’s Who of Grunty Fen.

ARNOLD BAZELEY (1919-2001)

Explorer

While the majority of people born in the Grunty Fen area are content to spend their entire lives travelling no further than Stuntney or in the more restless cases, Ely, there is a wanderlust gene in their blood which manifests itself in a rare line who are born with their eyes on far horizons.

So it was with Arnold Bazeley, one of the greatest in a long line of Fen explorers going back to the legendary Wanda Aetheling who discovered Dire Pits in c.900 AD.  Bazeley followed his father in the pitch-tosser’s trade but from an early age became restless in the spring. Each April he bade his family farewell and with a small sack of liquorice allsorts flung over his shoulder and his trusty bagging hook through his belt set out on foot he knew not whither.

In old age he published an evocative memoir, Far Afield Afoot in the Fens, telling how he stumbled across many hitherto unheard of villages and recorded their local customs.  There is a sense of wonder in his words as he describes, for example, Great Sorely where the people washed every day and bathed at least once a fortnight or Bastardy where women with large feet were thought especially desirable and baby girls’ feet were cruelly clamped between boards from birth to flatten and expand them.

If you would like to know more about Arnold and other characters of Grunty Fen please see Who’s Who of Grunty Fen by Christopher South.

Best regards

Miss Edwards
Grunty Fen Post Office and General Stores

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Who’s Who? BARRY “BARMY” BARNARD, The Rev.

I forget my own name sometimes but I never could forget Reverend Barnard. He was quite a character in his day. Here is a brief extract from Who’s Who of Grunty Fen.

According to Barnard’s new calendar, by which many Fen folk now live, the standard week runs Sunday, Unday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday.

Picture of BARRY “BARMY” BARNARD, The Rev.
Who’s Who? BARRY “BARMY” BARNARD, The Rev.

By some force of nature, we are unable to remember the events of an Unday.  Mankind lives and goes about its business on Undays but is forbidden forever from remembering what it did on that day.  That slice of cold pie missing from the larder sometime between Sunday and Monday was eaten on Unday. That otherwise inexplicable graze on one’s skin was suffered on an Unday.  That stranger towards whom one feels an unjustified antipathy is because of something he or she said on an Unday. That strange sense of sadness or gladness we sometimes feel for no good reason springs in fact from the events of Unday.  All strangenesses, all mysteries, all odd dreams and curious happenings, and, above all, that impression one has of having “been here before” are down to Unday.

It goes without saying that you can read more about the thoughts of the Reverend Barnard in the book written by Christopher South called Who’s Who of Grunty Fen.

Best regards

Miss Edwards, Grunty Fen PO and General Store

 

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Colne Commemoration Fête

Dear Friends of the Fen,

If you’re anywhere near Colne on Saturday 11th August, it’s their World War One Commemoration Fête on the village green in the afternoon.

The event recognises that it’s 100 years since the end of the war and it gives us a chance to reflect on the sacrifices made.

There’s a beautiful poppy display at the War Memorial, there’s stalls, activities, entertainment and refreshments as well as a Village Market with local produce, plus a chance to meet local groups – and even a Children’s  Corner!

Do go and have a look around the fête and the village, because the annual scarecrow festival also has a WWI theme and the people of Colne have put a lot of effort in, as you can see from these photos.

Thanking you,

Miss Edwards

 

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Earthquake made my mugs tremble

Dear people of the Fens,

With the recent earthquake activity in Lincolnshire and Yorkshire perhaps it is time we had a scale of magnitude more appropriate to our gentle lands than the one proposed by Mr Richter.
I suggest we adopt the scale proposed by Mr Marsden in his talk (see here).

The new British Earthquake Scale would be like this:
1. On the cusp of being felt
2. Like a cat falling off a wardrobe
3. Like someone moving furniture
4. Causes motorbikes to fall over
5. Like a patio door being closed
6. Like the Hulk jumping about
7. Like a rhino ran into the house
8. Bird goes mad downstairs
9. Large artificial tree shakes
10. Like someone arriving on a tractor
11. Like Father Christmas breaking in a day late
12. Mugs nearly fall of the shelf

It would improve the clarity of news reports. For example if a BES 5 was reported everybody would immediately know what the perceived effect was for those in the immediate area.

I’ll mention this idea to the W.I. next time we meet.

 

Yours faithfully

Miss Edwards
Grunty Fen General Stores and Post Office

 

 

 

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Meet the Author of Grunty Fen “Customs”

Hello there,

Just a little picture to remind you of the flavour of The Customs and Folklore of Grunty Fen.

Fen Sway
Pupils attending a domestic science class at Grunty Fen learn the correct Fen Sway procedure for draining a distemper brush.

This is just one of the many photographs illustrating Customs and Folklore that are used to demonstrate the theories of Mr Christopher South. Buy the book and meet the author in Burrows Bookshop (Ely) on March 24th.

Do please come along if you are able to. Mr South is always ready to meet normal people and rarely scares anybody.

Best wishes.

Miss Edwards

Grunty Fen Post Office and General Stores

 

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Meet the Author of the Who’s Who of Grunty Fen

Image

Dear Reader,

That lovely gentleman from the BBC, Mr Christopher South, will be in Ely on Saturday 24th March at Burrows Bookshop. This will be an ideal time for you to get your books signed. Including, of course, The Who’s Who in Grunty Fen and extract of which is attached.

Mr South will be discussing Who’s Who  and his other books with anybody who would care to attend his event at Burrows Bookshop, Ely on March 24th. The Burrows Face Book is here

 

 

 

 

The particular “Who” this sample page refers to is MOTHER MARJORY (fl. 1490)
Founder of the Theory of Duality of Purpose
and originator of the edible poultice.

 

Best regards

Miss Edwards
Grunty Fen Post Office and General Stores

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Meet the Author of The Authorised Guide to Grunty Fen

Dear Reader,

That lovely gentleman from the BBC, Mr Christopher South, will be in Ely on Saturday 24th March at Burrows Bookshop. This will be an ideal time for you to get your books signed.

 

I can recommend The Authorised Guide to Grunty Fen. A splendid example and the first of Mr South’s Grunty Fen trilogy.

Below is an example of one of the pages of the Authorised Guide to give you a flavour of the work of Mr South.

 

 

For further details of the event in Ely please contact Burrows Bookshop :

https://www.facebook.com/events/953608204789617/

Kindest regards

Miss Edwards